JEFF PROBST: Previously, on Survivor 3.01: The Yukon: In an effort to alleviate the general unpleasantness among the Sampo Tribe, or at least to spread it around, the two Tribes were re-formed. Melissa, Mickey, and Roger, formerly with Konga, are now members of Sampo. Lobo, Neil, and Georgia from Sampo, are now with Konga.
LOBO: Hey look! Lobo find mushrooms! You think they good to eat?
JEFF PROBST: Today, Day 15 of their adventure, the Survivors will once again face the test of Immunity, and for one team, the ordeal of Tribal Council.
[Tree Mail]:
Your Tribe’s reborn, but some things stay
Unchanged, and that is why today
You once again must win Immunity,
To avoid Tribal Council with impunity.
[Sampo Campsite]
RUBY: That’s the dumbest poem ever. I mean, really.
MR. B NATURAL: I don’t know. It has sort of an interesting meter.
KITTEN (sobbing): Oh, God, there’s no clue to what the Challenge is about!
ROGER: Hey! Are yew all just goin’ to stand there all day discussin’ a stupid tree pome?
[Konga Campsite; a meeting of the minds]
LOBO: You know, Torgo, Lobo really glad to be here. We got strong team. You, me, Neil, that really big guy…
TORGO: YES… I… GUESS… that’s TRUE.
LOBO: You want some these mushrooms? Lobo been eating them all morning. They delicious.
TORGO: Ummm… no THANKS.
LOBO: See, Lobo think you and Lobo can take this thing all the way. What you think?
TORGO: WHICH… one is… LOBO, again?
LOBO: Me Lobo!
TORGO: Oh. Your… HABIT… of … REFERRING to… yourself… in the… THIRD… person, THREW… me.
LOBO: Well, you not exactly regular Oscar Wilde, yourself.
TORGO: WHAT… does… THAT… mean?
LOBO: Lobo not know. Say, how you make your face turn into snake like that?
TORGO: WHAT… are you… TALKING… about?
LOBO: Now tiny little arms coming out of your ears, and waving at Lobo.
TORGO: It… MUST…be a… HALLUCINATION… from those… MUSHROOMS, Lobo.
LOBO: Oh, Lobo quite relieved. Lobo not ask you about huge misshapen knees, then.
[Sampo Campsite]
ROGER: Ah don’t know, Mickey. It’s just us and them four women. They’re already tighter than a tick on a toady-frog, Ah tell yew what.
MICKEY: There’s only three women. Three.
ROGER: Three? Yew sure?
MICKEY: No.
[Konga Campsite]
NEIL: All we’re saying, Torgo, is that it wouldn’t kill us to lose Immunity this time. We can afford to get rid of a troublemaker.
TORGO: You’re… saying… THROW IMMUNITY?
EULABELLE: Hush, boy! Keep your voice down!
TORGO: I don’t … KNOW. I’m an… ATHLETE,… and the… IDEA… of THROWING… a… GAME… goes against… EVERYTHING… I… BELIEVE in. The… MASTER… would NOT… be PLEASED.
GEORGIA: You’re an athlete, Torgo? I didn’t… I mean…
TORGO: I… played… FOOTBALL… in COLLEGE. Halfback… for… TEXAS… Demon Dogs. I… SCORED… 111… TOUCHDOWNS. Then… in my… LAST… game, I… BLEW… out my… KNEES. As you… can… SEE. Promising… CAREER… in pro… FOOTBALL… destroyed. Switched… to BASEBALL. Now I’m… a… CATCHER… for a semi-pro… TEAM… in CORPUS CHRISTI. Hell of a… COMMUTE.
NEIL: OK, think of this as a sacrifice fly. One guy is put out, but hopefully a run scores. The team comes out ahead.
GEORGIA: Think of the big picture, Torgo.
TORGO: My… MASTER… has a… BIG… picture… of HIMSELF… in his… HOME… Frightening.
NEIL: NO, nitwit… think of the GAME. God, he’s got me doing it, now.
[Immunity Challenge]
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, welcome to another Immunity Challenge. First, I’ll need to take back the Immunity Idol.
[Glen has been wearing it on a string around his neck, and hands it over to Jeff.]
This Challenge is a lot like the last one, because, frankly, we’re running out of ideas. So we took the ice blocks from the igloos used in the last Challenge, and painted them lots of different colors. Your task is to re-arrange the ice blocks into a map of Canada, inclusive of the Maritime Provinces. First team to complete the map wins Immunity. Survivors, ready? GO!
[The Survivors scramble to collect the ice blocks. Mickey picks up two blocks, and when he tries to pick up a third, he drops one of the others. He repeats this several times. Glen is standing where the puzzle is to be assembled, directing where the pieces are to be placed.]
GLEN: I’m telling you I can SEE Prince Edward Island, and you need to move that piece a little more to the right.
[Mr. B Natural is doing the same for Sampo.]
MR. B NATURAL: OK, Melissa. You see that piece that looks like a little happy man? No, not that one! The other one! That one! Yes! Now that’s Ontario. Put it over there! THERE! NO!! THERE!!!
MELISSA: … B, you think that all the pieces look like little happy men.
KITTEN: This scene is totally rigid, like gloom!
[While all this is going on, Neil pauses to enjoy a cigarette.]
NEIL: Nice day, ain’t it, Georgia?
GEORGIA: Sure is. Looks like Sampo’s doing pretty well.
NEIL: Damn shame.
[The Konga Tribe has collected all the pieces, and are now trying to arrange them.]
LOBO: Look at colors. Look at colors! LOOK AT PRETTY COLORS!!!
[Lobo then tries to go for a swim in Lake Winnipeg, or rather, a block of ice with a large hole in it, just as Sampo completes the puzzle.]
JEFF PROBST: Sampo wins! Immunity is yours! As for Konga, I’ll see you tonight at Tribal Council.
NEIL: Ooo-rah! I mean… umm… oh, hell.
[Tribal Council]
JEFF PROBST: Welcome to your first Tribal Council as the newly-formed Konga Tribe. Before we get started, I’d like to ask the newcomers about their experience here. Georgia?
GEORGIA: Well, I feel like I’ve been reborn, and the others have made me feel very welcome.
JEFF PROBST: Interesting. Would you agree, Lobo?
[Lobo is slowly passing his hand back and forth in front of his face.]
LOBO: Trails. Lobo see beautiful trails.
JEFF PROBST: OK, let’s vote.
[One at a time, the Survivors cast their votes, and as usual, Torgo votes last. With some difficulty, he brings the bowl containing the votes to Jeff.]
TORGO: SORRY… to be… so… SLOW… This… COLD… climate…
JEFF PROBST: No problem. Once again, I need to remind you that the person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll tally the votes.
First vote: Lobo.
Second vote: Lobo.
Third vote: I can’t quite make this out. It looks like a man, being eaten by an octopus, wearing an angora sweater?
LOBO: Oh. That Lobo’s vote. Lobo vote for the Sarge.
JEFF PROBST: Interesting. In a really disturbing way.
The fourth vote: Lobo. Three votes for Lobo, one for Neil.
The fifth, and deciding vote: Lobo. The final vote is irrelevant. Lobo, come up here, and bring your torch. The Tribe has spoken. [Extinguishes Lobo’s torch. Lobo wanders off.]
Now, you’ve all made some assumptions about this game. One of them is that in three days, there’ll be a merge. Another is that the winner of the game will win one million dollars. Something to think about.
[Confessional]
LOBO (addressing camera): Well, doctors tell Lobo that effects of mushrooms have worn off, and that they can’t detect any brain damage. Last few days like dream. Lobo remember flying like eagle over mountains and plains. Lobo also have vague recollection of smashing igloo with head. Oh, well, it all in past now. Lobo have awesome time in Yukon. Lobo getting sleepy. Time for go to bed.
Day 16-17
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